ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
