I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
