Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
