3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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