What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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