She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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