Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
