Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
