Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
