I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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