Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
