you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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