And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize