My room smells like vodka and shame
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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