Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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