okay pat passed out under dana's car
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
