every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
