We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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