either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You were trust falling into bushes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
