sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
