it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
