he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
