Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
