You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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