so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
