seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
