Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
third nipple confirmed
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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