Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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