You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize