The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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