Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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