Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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