pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
