I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
