you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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