i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
