How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
