I just made out with a guy for $7.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
