her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
