do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
