vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
