i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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