you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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