someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
