Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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