If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
