I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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