its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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