Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
