so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
