I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
