Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
