I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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