You made me cry and you don't even care
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
