So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
honey bunches of taint.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
