She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
