We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
