two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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