Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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