My sheets look like a crime scene.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
