it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
