boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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