If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
