Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
