I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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