Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
