theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
