At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize