drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
