Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
