So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Randomize
