I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
