there's paper in my vomit.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
