If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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