why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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