He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The adults are the big ones right?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize