Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
