We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
