I think I am morally bankrupt
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
