your thong is hanging out like whoa
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
