in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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