so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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